High word count vomit - Cycle 3

To all my lovers and supporters, thank you for checking in on me. This past week has been rough. Not only did I start my new protocol for IVF cycle #3, our puppy had to have emergency surgery, my mother in law was in the hospital, and I got 2 'we're pregnant' letters in less than a week.  

Let's start with the MIL, she's been released and is doing well. 

Our puppy had what we thought was a normal bought of gas. Turns out that his intestines somehow made it into his chest cavity. His second emergency surgery was successful, and he's finally on the mend. 

Then there are my 2 amazing friends. While I am extremely happy for them, it was just bad timing on my end. But really, is there ever a good time to tell your barren friend that you're pregnant? They both mentioned they were following Megan's lead and giving me the respect I deserve, and that my blog is amazing (I may have adlibbed a little ;)). Both families are limiting who they are telling (again, I'm honored), and both of my letter senders are due in July. That means these two awesome families who don't even know each other, have 2 awesome things in common. ;) Summer babies, and me! 

Moving on to more loves. I recently saw this note posted on FB: 

One of my best friends from school in California is trying to have a baby. She is someone who should be passing her genes on. Beautiful, funny, smart, honest, caring, compassionate, patient, and the best hair I've ever seen in person or not! The point is, she's having a really hard time because she really wants to have a baby. She's trying everything in her power to have a baby. A healthy baby. She's doing everything she can to make sure that she provides the best life for this child that hasn't come into her life yet. Anyway, she has a blog where she lets all of her people know what's going on in her life. I never know what to say because I want to be there as her friend, but I have never gone through anything remotely similar. I feel guilty because I post pictures of my family and sometimes wish I could just read my book for ten minutes and not be interrupted by my kids or my phone or the neighborhood kids. I really appreciate everything I have, but sometimes I just want to feel like I did when I was 27! Young, athletic, spry, not a care in the world, working my dream job, dating the man of my dreams, and being up late because I was playing dodgeball or getting up early to watch birds. But then she posted this survey for the women in her life that are going through the same thing as her. I wanted to answer the questions. And I realized, it makes me think about who I am. And the same questions make her think about her. As women, I think we owe it to ourselves to take a couple minutes and realize that we might not all be going through the same things, we might not all have the same end goals, or even beginning goals for that matter. But  we do all go through things. And we need to take care of each other. Let's give each other a little break and stop the judgement.
I posted the quiz in case you want to think about yourself a little. Get away from the thoughts that are a constant worry and remember how you got here today - even if it is just liking cold or hot better. I thank my friend Thruster for helping me remember a little bit about who I am. And about what kind of things are important.
 
Not only did it touch me that my girlfriend took the time to answer my questions from my last blog and remember to take a little time for herself (I'd gladly read any of your answers :)), but she expressed her frustration in how to help me heal. Which was echoed by many mutual friends.

Honestly, all I need, and have ever needed, from any of my friends/family/anyone who reads this blog is support, in whatever way you are comfortable to giving it. Words, a card, a cute animal picture, a laugh, asking questions, an adorable charm, anything. There is no wrong answer. We're all going through this together. And it's scary. 

 

Charm I received from a friend today. :)

On the night the manfriend and I were going to see the puppy after surgery I mentioned that we, as a family, were really meant to be. The manfriend asked me what I meant. I told him that the puppy and I have been dealt a pretty shitty hand at life, and that only someone like him could love us when were so broken. The manfriend asked why I was broken, and I had to remind him that I can't have a baby. He later apologized as at the time he couldn't stop worrying about our sick puppy. Proving that I think about this constantly. It might not always be on the forefront of my mind, but it's there, haunting me. 

We've committed to this 3rd round. Our last shot. Why not? It's covered by insurance, and we'd be waiting for our donor egg process to start regardless. Even with all the crazy that continues in regular life, I have to suck it up and put extra hormones into my body. And doing this after all the normal hormonal rage a girl goes through is rough. 

Last week I started my Estrace (estrogen) and testosterone patches. Every morning is a struggle for me. I don't know whether to cry or be angry, so I do both. Usually in my safe place, my car. At this point I wouldn't mind throwing in the towel, but then I remember our two genetically unsound embryos from our first round. 

What? You were phased by the testosterone part? That's only part of the different this cycle. You see, The Man and his colleagues have a theory, a hypothesis. 

 

The patch I have to wear for 10 hours. Any longer and my ovaries will start to descend.

 

Testosterone and DHEA are hormones from the androgen group. High levels of these hormones are found in women with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). Women with PCOS produce large amounts of follicles each cycle. The thought is if you have a higher level of testosterone in your system, you will produce more follicles. So, I'm being treated as if I have low ovarian reserve, or low egg count. The more follicles I have, the more eggs there are. The more eggs there are, the better our chances of finding just that one normal egg. 

I agreed to do this cycle only if they changed my protocol. Boy ditty, did they ever! 

I'll keep you in the loop as to what else they throw my way. Until then, I'm taking it one day at a time.

 

P.S. GO BRONCOS!!!